he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
