oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
