My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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