I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
