i dont even know how to be here
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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