chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
