I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
