I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
