you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
