singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
