There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
