walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
