just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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