Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
