I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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