I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
