What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
operation harelip BJ is a go
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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