I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
