shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
