Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
