You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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