but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
