When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
