so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
