If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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