THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
