There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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