my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
