This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
