So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
