yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
