I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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