Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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