Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
