You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
