I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
