From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
