I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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