I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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