We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
