I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry about my life...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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