Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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