Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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