I am midnight drunk by noon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My dad just said "fuck circus"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
