you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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