i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
