the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
