i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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