She is in my trunk
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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