so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
