Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
