Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
