I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
