also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
