YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
