and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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