i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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