ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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