She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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