i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
