you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
