dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
