I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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