I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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