idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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