***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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