Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
