Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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