$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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