Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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