Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
