I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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