I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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